Thursday, March 16, 2006

Giant Flying Squids

My friend Melanie and I were discussing schedules and plans one day and came up with a wonderful mascot for Mothers....a giant flying squid. Now, wait, before you laugh too hard or turn away in disgust, not wanting to see yourself as slimy or having suckers, hear why we have created this wonderful emblem to be henceforth an insignia for mothers everywhere!

Let's take a look at one of the creatures...

The first thing you see is the "Stabilizing Fins." I think this is probably the most important part of mommies. We are the stabilizing forces in our homes, marriages, and children. When Mommy isn't home, or sick, everything is chaotic, right? When we are home and running our house, our family's have a stable life.

Secondly, we see the mantle. I am not sure what a "mantle" does for a squid, but I will liken it to moms anyway. A mantle is the hearthstone of a family. It is where we put the pictures of the children, our wedding, or the precious crafts that they make in proliferation. It is the heart and memory of the family, something a mom keeps unfailingly in her soul, to show each member how much they mean to both God and the other members. (It is also the ability to remember, when meeting your daughter's future spouse, exactly where the most embarrassing picture of your precious baby making her first "do-do" is)

Next is the siphon. This is especially important for me. This is our ability to weed out the junk the world wants to inflict upon our children and let in only the best. It is especially essential to those who think that God has given us the charge to protect our children and keep them from evil influences. The amount to which each mother uses the siphon is a personal matter and varies widely.

The parrot-like beak and mouth can be both our worst and our best trait. It is our worst when we sarcastically answer the question "Do we have to do school today?" with "Yes we have to do school today!" It is our best when we remember verses or truths from the bible and use them to train our children.

In my opinion, every mother will understand the want for 8 arms. Who hasn't wanted another arm to cuddle with or to soothe a child while on the phone, cooking dinner and giving spelling words? Eight arms would be great for getting the whole kitchen cleaned at once, doing grocery shopping four times as fast and grading 8 papers (as long as we also had 4 times the brain power - which should be no problem considering our HUGE head). The suckers would be wonderful for keeping track of toddlers in crowded malls or near stairways. They would also be great for picking up all the toys as we walked through the house, in one big sweep.

The two long feeding tentacles have many uses. When we have babies, it would be great to be able to nurse them at the same time as being able to make a pb&j for our toddler. With the older children, what mom wouldn't want to be able to cut everyone's food at once! We could also feed toddler while being able to eat at the same time. AAAAHHHHHH pure luxury!!! And just think......for the mom who has quadruplets........

I already mentioned the huge head, but I will just re-iterate what every 4 year old will tell you....Mom knows everything. Therefore, we need the big head. :-)

And the eye, ah yes, the all-knowing eye. This is the eye that gets us the response "how did you know that?" or "how did you see that?" It is the "eye in the back of the head" or the eye that helps us see through walls. It is the eye that can detect a lie and see into every child's heart. It is also the eye that lets us see when our children need some mommy time or just need some fun time (and so we have a huge pillow/tickle fight which of course we win because we have 8 arms!)

The wings should also be self explanatory to any mother. For the new mother, when her first baby makes those beautiful little mewing cries that are quickly becoming screams of epic proportions from the bedroom across the house (heard over the monitor), she will just about fly over furniture, stairs, and visitors to get to her baby. For the older mother, who is feeding a toddler at the highchair and her older child gets up in a tree, wings would be a lot easier than calling the fire department. (and a lot less embarrassing) If our wings could go fast enough, we would nearly be in two places at once, which mothers (who are natural multi-taskers and constantly strive for more) would probably abuse and try to increase to three or four places at once.

I know by this time you are all convinced that the squid IS the perfect mascot for mothers everywhere. I expect I will be getting a lot of phone calls and requests for t-shirts and hats and book bags. Until I actually manifest 8 arms, however, I will not be able to fill those requests. So, alas, you will have to make your own. I will salute you (with one of my two arms) when I pass you, though, and we can wink that all-knowing eye at each other.


The Zandi Zoo said...

ROTFL!!! This is THE best blog EVER!!! LOL!!!

I want to be a flying squid. HAHA!

NeeCee said...

LOVE IT and agree 100%

::returns your salute with one of only two arms::

Melanie said...

It was so worth the wait!