Happy New Year!

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Christmas Miracle in the News

"Miracle" mom talks about dying, coming back to life with baby on
Christmas Eve.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/exclusive-christmas-miracle-mom-baby-dead-labor-revived/story?id=9446946

Sent from my iPhone

The Good, the bad and the ugly

Well, after my Dec 14th post, I had a few bad days and then a nice string of good days. Unfortunately, the string ended on Weds and I am stuck in another rut. Again not knowing the chicken and the egg...I have also had a bad headache on and off since Wednesday.

I was hoping the meds had hit and were helping, but they should have been working steadily by now and I am not seeing a regular improvement. Maybe time for new meds??

On one hand I am looking forward to New Year's and my yearly resolutions. On the other hand, I am worried about setting myself up to fail again. Definitely going to try adding good habits/getting rid of bad ones slowly. Maybe one each per week.

Well that's a quick update. We had a blessed, white Christmas this year. We have one more week off for school and I have big plans for the week. Praying I feel better and can attack them. :-)

Merry Christmas!!

Repost on Christmas Gifts for Kids

 This is a repost from 2006:

We buy the girls 3 presents each. They get a gold present (their big present), a frankincense present (a present that brings them closer to God), and a myrrh gift (a "fu-fu" present - something personal). Since we believe in Santa around here, Santa also brings them a gift and fills their stockings. As they open each type of present, we talk about the 3 wise men and what each gift would have meant to Jesus and his family.


I have noticed several things since starting this:

1. Our stress about what to get the kids and how much has gone WAY down!

2. Their greediness has lessened. They talk about their Santa gift and what they are going to ask Santa for (Santa usually gives them the more fun things that Mommy and Daddy would NEVER think of getting them.), but they don't keep asking us for stuff. They gave us some ideas, but they have been very good ideas!

3. Christmas day is much calmer and less centered on the gifts!

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and to Shirley for sending me the sweet devotional. I am starting to feel a little better and have actually had three good days in the last 4. That's much better than usual. Our situation hasn't improved, in fact it has gotten a little worse, but my perspective is changing.

Thank the Lord.
Literally.

Finished Product

Parent's Doily

My parents have a HUGE old table that they rescued from somewhere and
my dad refinished. I decided they needed a HUGE doily for it.

Just finished it this morning. It is about 4ft by 2 1/2 ft.

Here it is being blocked. I am trying to figure out how to send it to
them.

Fessing Up

It is hard for me to write this post today, when everything is going well.  Quite ironic, isn't it? Well maybe you don't know why that is ironic but by the end of the post, I think you'll get it. I try not to write anything at all if I can't say something positive. (haven't done a good job on my blog lately, I know) The only reason I am even writing it is because some people on Facebook have asked how I am doing.  This is my answer:

I'm not doing well...not really doing well at all.  There are lots of things going on, don't know which is the egg and what is the chicken....Been dealing with depression again in a big way. I also have several physical ailments including a headache non-stop since the last week of October, TMJ pain, ankle pain, ringing in my ears and dizziness.  I am still averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. I usually get an 1 1/2 hour nap a day too.  Still not enough sleep for me.  I am fuzzy headed, my old "friend" social anxiety has reared its ugly head as well. I got my depression meds upped to see if that would help. So far it hasn't, but I know it can take awhile.  I do well when I am with the Brittany, Michael or when I am talking to my closest friend. Then I feel like I am almost myself.

In addition to this I am feeling very overwhelmed with life lately. Actually overwhelmed is a nice word. The word I keep hearing is "failure." Failure at disciplining and training my kids, failure at providing good meals at a good time, failure at keeping house, failure at showing a good example, failure at helping the family earn money, failure at anything I start lately.  After reading Self Talk, Soul Talk, I have been trying to find a replacement for that word but I haven't been able to irradicate it.  It is hiding behind corners, under my to-do list, in my messy coat closet, and in each and every email that comes that I don't answer or phone call that comes that I don't call back.  Even things as nice as our Jesse Tree or our Christmas tree have failure written all over them.  I am so tired of failing.  I tried not setting the bar so high. Then I just decided not to set the bar at all. Easier that way.

I have good days, like today. I have about 1-2 a week. I try my best to get a ton done on those days so the other days aren't so horrible.  The problem is, I usually feel doubly awful after one of my good days.  I am doing lots of Emily's school from bed. She thinks it's fun and I am just glad to be able to get it done.  Brittany takes care of most of her own school so, surprisingly, we are not as far behind in school as I would think.  My bad days I try to compensate with the kids by reading to them from my bed or playing with them up there, letting them play with my hair (which they love, and so do I), or watching TV with them.  When I am feeling up to it, I try to take them on outings to go see lights or Santa or other things like that. 


As far as outside happenings...our house in BA still hasn't sold. We are now considering taking it off the market and trying to rent it.  We cannot afford the two payments.  Money is very tight around here and we are living on a wing and a prayer at the moment.  Michael is going to start applying for manager positions again after Christmas.  We are praying he will get a store soon.  I looked into getting a job but haven't found anything that will work with our family.  So then, I was hoping to find something I could do from home - no luck there either.

Spiritually things aren't that great either. I have no problem praying for other people and having faith that I will see miracles. However, I have lost faith in my own prayers for our life.  I just feel like God isn't listening. I know He is. I know it in my mind. But I can't get the rest of me to believe at the moment. I feel like time and time again I have put my faith and hope and action into a prayer and not seen any results.  Everything is the same or getting worse.

Although I like our church, I am not "sold" on it. I have tried and tried again to get into a "Lifegroup" - their small groups which meet once a week - but so far they have not found one for us.  They are promoting Lifegroups all the time, I can't imagine how they can't find one for us in 5 months.  Brittany and Emily are deeply involved with the Wednesday night activities and definitely love that. With all that they have gone to, I don't want to drag them away from something else. I just wish we had a church that we could get involved with and make friends, etc.

I tried MOPS here in Yukon and loved the first two times I went. I went to the third time and only lasted 1/2 hour before my social anxiety got the best of me and I slipped out the door without anyone noticing.  I am not sure if I am going to make it back or not.

I went to a Mom's Night Out with three wonderful ladies and had a great time. Hopefully we will be able to do it again sometime. 

The older girls are both homesick, especially Brittany, but trying to put on a brave face.  Some days are better than others.

On top of it all, for some reason this has been a very hard Jacob-less year. I have cried over him more than usual. Moving away from where he is buried was hard as was putting up the tree with his ornaments.  

I know I am blessed. I really do. I count my blessings everyday. I have a husband who adores me and works hard for the family. I have a WONDERFUL family. My kids are loving and they love God. We have a roof over our head and food on the table.

I know I am blessed.

I just wish knowing that was always enough.

Q&A with Jennifer Rothschild

 Q&A with Jennifer Rothschild

Author of Self Talk, Soul Talk

What is soul talk?

Over the years, I have gradually learned what to say when I talk to myself, and that has truly made all the difference in my life. After years of struggling beneath the weight of my own slander and lies, I have learned to speak truth into my soul. It’s what I call soul talk.

How does soul talk work?

Everybody practices self talk, but few of us actually take time to think about the things we say to ourselves. The process is so natural we don’t even notice it. Amazingly, much of our self talk is false. The words we say shape the way we think about ourselves. They influence our emotions, our thoughts, and our decisions. They resurface in our conversations with other people. They can spur us on to live meaningful, productive lives, or they can drag us down to lethargy and despair. Soul talk is about replacing the lies you may have been telling yourself with the truth.

What kinds of struggles with self talk have you had personally?

My steady flow of disapproving thoughts and self talk once formed a constant stream. I badgered, nagged, devalued, and said cutting words to myself. At times, all those dark, negative put-downs have felt like a raging river, tossing me mercilessly until I thought I might drown in my own self-condemnation.

What was the physical setback that you faced in your teens?

At the age of 15, I became legally blind due to a disease called retinitis pigmentosa. Even though I received that difficulty with grace and resolve, the extra challenges of the disability and the knowledge that blindness was inevitable brought even more opportunities for me to struggle with negative thoughts and destructive self talk. For me, blindness is a circumstance that opens the door to a host of other bewildering issues. One of the biggest daily realities I face is the stress of not being able to drive, read, or enjoy independence.

What is the paradox of emotions?

If you try to think with your feelings, you’ll fall into all manner of false conclusions. Emotions are supposed to serve and strengthen us. Left to themselves, however, they enslave and deplete us. We need a thought closet well stocked with timeless truth, or we will clothe ourselves with the feelings of the moment.

How important is physical well-being including exercise and healthy eating?

Living a healthy lifestyle is so important to our mental well-being. Never discount the impact of physical wellness on our souls’ wellness. Feelings of despair might really be our bodies’ signal that we need to meet some basic needs. Your body needs adequate rest, healthy food, and moderate exercise.

How important is mental well-being? How can we stimulate this?

Brains like to be challenged. Your mind needs to have something to do, or it will create something to do—something that might not be so constructive. If you don’t fully strengthen your brain, it will wiggle and jiggle itself just to alleviate the dullness and find a channel for all its energy. Spend a few minutes each day reading something that interests and challenges

you. Pick up a journal and record your thoughts and questions. Join a book club or audit a class from your local university. Feed your curiosity and you’ll stimulate an enjoyable, insatiable hunger.

How important is our spiritual well-being?

Hopelessness, fear and depression often grow out of unsatisfied longings. C.S. Lewis said, “If I can find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” We can try to fill the longing with relationships, religion, volunteerism, or just being good. But the deep ache from the bottom of our souls can only be satisfied in a relationship with God.

Is it healthy to remember the past? What memories should we revisit?

The real power of any moment is fully realized when it is remembered. The experience might have been painful or pleasant, but its intensity and meaning grow when we remember and reflect upon it. Remembering is essential to the health of our souls. So we must tell our souls to look back often. Memories store great anthologies of stories that tell us who we are. They become intimate reminders of our personal histories. However, tell your soul to look back only at what is profitable. Profitable memories are those that add to your soul wellness rather than subtract from it.

How destructive can fear become in our lives? What’s the alternative?

We can’t ever side with fear, because fear is never on our side. And we can’t let fear and despair shake and intimidate us. Fear betrays; hope never does. Fear and despair make us quiver; hope makes us unshakable. Rather than giving into fear and despair, we tell our souls to hope. Hope will always be on your side, cheering you on and defending you. Hope anchors us because it provides spiritual grounding. Hope brings stability to every part of our being: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. We speak the language of hope when we tell our souls to look up.

How can we cope with our busy lifestyles? Where can we find time to rest?

Life is busy. The demands are great, and we seem to have no time for rest. So much of our self-talk is directed at revving ourselves up. Excessive revving up, however, only leads to petering out. Daily we must tell ourselves to chill out. Rest isn’t only for our tired bodies. Weary souls need it too—our wills, our minds, and our emotions. The choice to rest is ours.

How can we press on despite fear and failure?

Steady, small actions will slowly reduce the big feeling that is paralyzing you. Just because you have failed at something does not mean you are a failure. If you quit, the world will be lacking what you alone bring to it. If you continue to feed your feelings of failure and defeat, those dark emotions will grow, creeping across your soul like long winter shadows. But if you begin to starve those feelings, they will slowly die.

How can we become less selfish and “others centered”?

It’s our nature to lift ourselves up, to be egocentric. Looking back at my life, I can say for sure that the most miserable times of my life have been when I was the most self-centered, self-aware and self-promoting. When we tell our souls to get the spotlight off our own preoccupations and onto the needs of others, we reopen the potential for joy in our lives. Only selfless, other-centered people are truly happy. They have learned the all-important key. When we lift others up, we grow stronger, healthier and happier.

Going to Mexico (in theory at least)

The rest of this week and next week we are studying Mexico as part of our "Trip Around the World".  Because of that, we are going to eat my FAVORITE food for a whole week!!! Being from Albuquerque, New Mexico, I can NEVER get enough Mexican food. Unfortunately finding good Mexican restaurants is a little more difficult. Good thing I LOVE to cook, isn't it???

So, here are the dishes we are planning this week:

Pioneer Woman's Mexican Lasagna
Pioneer Womans's Shrimp Quesadillas
Pintos and cheese
Tres Leches Cake
Hominy Casserole (just for me, no one else likes it)
Homemade Flour Tortillas
Chicken Enchiladas
Mexican Bean Salad (aka Poor Man's Caviar)
Huevos Rancheros
Breakfast Burritos
Bean and cheese burritos
Green Chile Egg Muffins

(and of course plenty of green chile for me!!!)

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/18

Today I am thankful for my children having great groups at church. They both have made new friends and look forward to Wednesday  night all week long.  They have great teachers and great groups.

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/17

Today I am thankful for new friends and a mom's night out.  It's my first time going out since moving to OKC.  I had a wonderful time and can't wait for our next one!

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/14-16

The fourteenth I was thankful for:  mercy that is new each day!

the fifteenth I was thankful for: such an awesome husband. I am thankful he adores me and tries his best to spoil me. (and he did tonight!) I am thankful for the great father he is and that he is my best friend. I adore him as well!

Today I am thankful that hubby and I sat down and looked at finances today. We might be no better off, but we now know where we are and soon we will get an idea where we are going!

(copied from Facebook where I DO remember to post everyday!) 

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/13

I hate getting my hair cut. It honestly ranks up there with going to the doctor. (I have social anxiety and these are two of the situations I have trouble with!) For the last few years I have had one of two friends cut my hair, but, since they are both in Broken Arrow, I had to find a new person. Going to a new hairdresser is nerve wracking.  I usually spend the whole time on the way praying. Today was no different. I really needed my hair cut, but didn't know where to go, who I should have do it or how I should have it done. I care a lot about my hair for some reason. I don't wear makeup or do my nails most of the time, so my hair and clothes are really what "make" my look.  And no matter how nice my clothes may look, if my hair is awful, I feel like I look awful. 

I have needed a haircut for a few weeks.  Today was finally the day and I had looked and looked online for a good hairstyle. I hadn't really made up my mind as to what I wanted, although I had some ideas. I really need something that is "wash and wear" but has the option to look cute if I want to do more with it.  I printed out some ideas and headed to Supercuts. Of course, I prayed the whole way there.  (I know God knows the number of hairs on my head, so I knew he would want them to look nice too. ;-)

Very soon after getting there, I started to feel better. I had a nice lady sitting next to me (a prison guard just getting off work) who talked to me a few times and the one hairdresser that was there seemed very sweet and I liked her immediately.  After watching her interact with the prison guard, I liked her even more.  When it was my turn, she had time to listen to all my needs, gave me ideas and eventually gave me a great haircut.

Today I am thankful that God answers even the silly prayers that others might consider vain.  And thankful that I found a new hairdresser.   

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/12

Today I got to go to MOPS for the first time. It was such a wonderful time. I am thankful for the fellowship, time away, adult conversation, craft time and just generally wonderful time! I can't wait to go again!

Getting to know You........Oklahoma City Version

In the 4 months we have lived in Oklahoma City, I haven't managed to meet anyone. Well, that's an exaggeration...I have met exactly 3 people....1 through another friend, one through a homeschool group and one invited us to her church (where we ended up) through a homeschool group. I haven't managed to see these great women past meeting them, however.  And although we go to a church, it is a big church....no real chance to meet people.  This church does have lifegroups but apparently they don't have one for us, as of yet.  And, although I would like to serve, I haven't found something that works with our schedule and all our different kids.

While talking to Paula one day about this, she suggested I join MOPS.  I had heard of it, but never been part of one or looked into it.  I looked into it and decided it might be just what I need.  I am so excited, tomorrow is my first day going to the Yukon MOPS and I get to meet people in the area! And do a craft! And socialize! It's like preschool for mommies!!! :-)

My kids, on the other hand, have all made friends at church. Brittany and Emily go every Wednesday night to youth group and Konnect.  They love it and it is great to see them making new friends in the area.  

As little luck as I have had in the socialization area, we have had a wonderful time getting to know the area. I love this area.  Not necessarily Yukon, but Oklahoma City area in general. We have discovered and explored more here than we may ever have in Tulsa.  We have two nearby lakes, several nearby parks, the Will Rogers park in OKC that is a GREAT place for pictures, we've been to Norman for the Weather Festival, a great pumpkin patch in Piedmont, Pops gas station/restaurant, a great BBQ place in Norman, explored Bricktown, geocaching in several areas that we normally wouldn't have gone, climbing around a tank in Mustang, to the Czech festival here in Yukon, we belong to THREE nearby libraries, and of, course, a federal prison.  (we don't belong to the federal prison, just to clarify that)


Anyway, I have a huge amount of pics that I haven't uploaded as I haven't had time to blog lately.  I am going to take a moment to post just a few of them now.....

Throwing Rocks at Lake Hefner in late July

a picnic at Hefner the next week

(those little people in the water are the kids and I)

waiting for the Trolley in Bricktown

eating above the baseball field

to the zoo with the Donathans (one of my best friends came down from BA with her family)

visiting the Christmas Carol Train in Bricktown (put on by Disney for their new movie: The Christmas Carol)

playing in the fountains in Bricktown

tank in Mustang

Pops Restaurant/Gas Station.  They have THOUSANDS of flavors of Pop!!!

Shadow making at a nearby park

 

Hayride at a Pumpkin Farm

Trunk-or-Treat at a local church

Will Rogers Park

The Weather Festival in Norman

so there's a brief tour of the fun we have been up to! We are trying to make sure we get to see and experience most of OKC before we move again! 

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/11

is thankful for this special day....a day to thank the Veterans and my sweet grandmother's birthday. She would have been 102 this year.... I miss her so and can't wait to see her!  

Thanksgiving Challenge 11/10

Today is sort of a rough day....Michael is having a horrible day at work, the kids are screaming and fighting, we are having financial problems, no one feels good....so I am going to be thankful for little giggles.  Little giggles make my day. :-)

Thanksgiving Challenge 09

Last year I participated in South Breeze Farm's Thanksgiving challenge. I had forgotten about it until this morning and went looking for it again.  I am going to participate again, even though I am a little late. It is NEVER too late to cultivate thankfulness!

So, here are nine things I am thankful for, to get caught up!

1. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and that he cares for me, day in and day out.
2. I am thankful for my loving husband who adores me and always tries his best.
3. I am thankful for my husband's job.
4. I am thankful for Brittany and her wonderful, sweet spirit. I am thankful for her heart towards God and others.
5. I am thankful for Emily and her compassion. She is so empathetic and always wanting to help others.
6. I am thankful for Kaedra and her miracle story. I am thankful that she is healthy and such a bundle of energy!
7. I am thankful for Ethan. I am thankful that he, too, is healthy and energetic and full of imagination!
8. I am thankful for my parents. I am where I am, in part, because of them.
9. I am thankful for the church we have been going to and their youth program and kids' program. Our kids are able to make friends and connect with people there. 

Encouragement for Weary Mothers

I read this great article today. It is very encouraging for weary mothers. Not that I would know any of those!! ;-)

I am working on nurturing my soul right now. Feeding it, stuffing it full to overflowing, so I have something left at the end of every day. 

Bible Reading; encouraging books or blogs; worship and praise music; an inspiring talk with a friend....all these things help nurture me right now. As well as hugs and kisses from the kids, time outdoors, counting my blessings, and writing. 

And praying....always praying. 

Sausage and Tortellini Soup

Hubby doesn't like soup very much (neither do I, for that matter) and I was determined, for some reason, to add some soups into our eating repertoire.  I knew he liked Olive Garden soups, so I thought I would try something Italian-y.  This is what I created....it was delicous!

1 lb. polish sausage, cut into slices
1 large onion, chopped
1 bell pepper, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
a bunch of italian seasoning
48 oz. beef broth
14.5 oz Diced Tomatoes
28oz Cut Italian Green Beans
9 oz cheese tortellini

Saute sausage, onion, and pepper in a bit of olive oil until vegetables are soft.  Add garlic and saute for about 30 seconds.  Pour in spices, broth and tomatoes and simmer for awhile.  Bring to a boil about 10 minutes before serving, add in tortellini and green beans. 

More about me than you ever wanted to know!

Susan posted this on Penless Writer

I needed something to jumpstart me blogging again, so I thought I would try this!

The phone rings. Who will it be? Michael, Tarry or Kimberly

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Yes

  

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on who I am being social with. With FAITH and my friends I am a talker/listener. Most of the rest of the time I am a listener. 

Do you take compliments well? Hmmmm....Sort of well?

Do you play Sudoku? yes, love it 

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? I'd like to think so 

Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes 

What was your favorite game as a kid? Rummy-O

Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? No, but I really ought not to be dating. I am married, y'know. ;-)

Do you like to pursue or be pursued? neither, see above...

Use three words to describe yourself? at the moment: weary, frustrated, lonely....in general: blessed, joyous, forgiven

Do any songs make you cry? yes

Are you continuing your education?

Not in the "formal" sense but yes as far as viewing life as an education! (I like Susan's answer) I am constantly trying to learn more and learn new things! It can actually be very frustrating...I am a jack of all trades, master of none.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? yes

How often do you read books? Constantly, I am a chain reader. :-) and actually, I usually have more than one going at a time.

Do you think more about the past, present or future? the present and future.

What is your favorite children's book? hard to say. I like a lot and am growing tired of a lot.  I love Shel Silverstein.

What color are your eyes? Green

Where is your dream house located? around my family, preferably by water and/or mountains.

If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? our lock box.

When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? In Overland Park, KS meeting Michael's childhood friend. I think that was September last year. I didn't get to talk to him, however, because my littles kept me quite busy on my side of the table. 

Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Tinker Federal Credit Union

Do you like mustard? sometimes

Do you look like your mom or dad? neither. I am adopted. However, I do look like my birth mother. At least how she used to look.

How long does it take you in the shower? 5 minutes

Can you do the splits? nope, not even close, not even in the same county as the splits. Never have been able to. No flexibility.

What movie do you want to see right now? I have a huge list.  Next one up is "Up"

What did you do for New Year's? I don't remember

Do you think The Grudge was scary? Never heard of it

Do you own a camera phone? yes, not just that, an IIII phone. :-)

What's the last letter of your middle name? "a"

How many hours of sleep do you get a night? at the present time I am lucky if I get 4

What do you buy at the movies? popcorn and pop

Do you know how to play poker? in theory. :-) However, I am not good at it at all.

Do you wear your seat belt? Yes, always. well, always in the car. Sometimes I wish I had one for the chairs at home, too, especially when I inexplicably fall off. 

How many meals do you eat a day? 3

Do you like funny or serious people better? I like both, but am usually drawn to funny people with a serious side.

Ever been to L.A.? yes...many a time

Did you eat a cookie today? yes

Do you hate chocolate? nope. I have a healthy like for chocolate.

Are you a gullible person? I don't think so

Are you easy to get along with? I like to think so! 

Join in the fun if you want. Please be sure and let me know if you participate so I can come learn more about you.

Decisions, Decisions

We decided that Kaedra will NOT go back to the Children's Hospital here in town. We cancelled all the exchange of information and we will be going back to Kansas City in February or so. Kaedra is far too precious to leave her in the hands of people who aren't experts at what they are doing. 

Appt with new Surgeon for Kaedra

The quick version is we did not get warm fuzzy feelings from either ortho surgeon we saw at the local Children's Hospital. Neither one addressed Kaedra at all and her only exam was a peek at her back from about 3 ft away. They never asked us abt her history or looked over the page I brought in with her detailed history. They never mentioned the removed rod, even though the hook is still attached and obvious in photos. Really, honestly, they barely talked to us at all and Kaedra not at all. We both got the feeling they were not very familiar or comfortable with VEPTR or the kids that may need them. We were very disappointed.

We are awaiting some records from KC and have another appt with them in 2 weeks. We will give them one more chance and then make our decision from there.

Great Quote

"People gravitate to where they are celebrated not merely tolerated..ensure you celebrate the people God puts in your world today..they are a gift to you" ChristineCaine

Okay I lied

I know I just said a few posts ago that I was integrating all my blogs into one since it's all one life. However, I have decided to start a new blog and I also decided to keep it separate from this one.  It is a very specialized blog....talking about Kaedra's journey toward eating.  It is really just a journal of what we are trying and how it is working. If you are interested, here is the link.

Conference

I am so blessed to be able to go to a conference in this area about transitioning g-tube fed children to oral eating. It is being given by the expert in this type thing...Marsha Dunn-Klein. It is a two day conference and after only one day I feel as if I have a plethora of ideas! I can't wait to start! I had felt at a bit of a loss lately as to what to try next and now I have to pace myself not to try too many things at once. I talked to her this afternoon, after the conference and she gave me some specific pointers for Kaedra, too! What a blessing that is!! AND, She said if all my questions weren't answered by tomorrow afternoon that I could come ask her more!


As you may remember, Kaedra's speech therapist until she was three, Amanda, is now one of my closest friends. She arranged this whole thing so I was able to go and I am so thankful! I also am getting to see her and Nicole, another friend, as they are down here for the conference too.



It has been a great day!

Friends,

Knowledge,

And help for Kaedra.
 
Here is a great site we heard about today for children learning to eat:
Popsicle.org

Rudderless

I have been working on this post for awhile. Trying to figure out how to word it correctly. To speak my heart, be authentic and not offend. There comes a time to just spit it out and go on.

This is about me.

My struggles

My thoughts.

I am not attempting to tell anyone else what to believe. In chat lingo, ymmv. (your mileage may vary)

This is my mileage:

I have recently gotten out of a bad relationship. And, with that relationship came many rules and doctrines and beliefs that I went along with, because I wanted to please. I wanted to please God and I wanted to make the relationship work. I thought the two were intertwined. As I get farther and farther from the relationship (it has been about 7 months) I have come to realize that they were not one in the same. Pleasing my Father had nothing to do with this relationship.

Because of my confusion in this relationship, it has been an interesting 7 months. I am having to redefine my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have so many questions but I can not look to man for the answers. I have put away all my books about God or the Bible, many of my bibles (the ones with commentaries) and have cancelled my subscriptions to certain magazines. I have gotten rid of podcasts and no longer listen to certain CDs. I don't want to follow man.  Any man. Even great men.

Only Jesus.

I am questioning everything....how to pray; what is faith; what are God's promises, exactly; what does the Bible really say, where is the authority. What do I believe?

And for the first time in my life, I am feeling a little lost about God.

Not a crisis in faith, only a crisis in doctrine.

I do not doubt for a second God's presence.
or his love
or Jesus dying on the cross
forgiveness
redemption
rapture
that is all as real as ever.

However, when you don't know how to pray, it could make it hard to talk to God on a consistent basis.  Thank God he doesn't mind. He listens to me babble. He listens to me pray one way, then another, then apologize and ask Him which way. I know He doesn't mind. I know He doesn't judge. And that is something I didn't know 7 months ago, so I am definitely progressing in the right direction.

It's like I have been the captain of a boat. My course was laid out by God but I had the rudder in my hand. As I was growing up, I was going in one direction and in the last few years, I switched direction and headed somewhere else. But now, I have lost the rudder.  I am in the boat, in the ocean, not only following God's course, but relying on Him to get me there.

Rudderless is not a bad place to be.

In search of Joy

I have had a problem lately.

I lost my joy.

It disappeared somewhere over the summer...amidst the move, the news about Michael's job, being homesick (and friendsick), the fall from the ladder and some lasting effects from it, selling the house, school starting, etc.

I was talking to my husband last week and realized there was no joy in my day. No joy in my talking to him. Just complaints. And tiredness. Pain. Weariness. 

So, with that, I went searching for it:
I decided not to complain anymore.
I chose to talk about my blessings and triumphs.
I chose to stop feeling sorry for myself for not getting any sleep and just get over it.
I chose to stop thinking I can't handle everything.
I chose to give every little thing to God, repeatedly, and praise Him over and over.

And it worked.
I found Joy.
It really wasn't gone, I just forgot where to look..... 

Up.

Some changes and some things haven't changed at all!

Last week, I combined all three of my blogs into this blog. It is, after all, Our Peculiar LIFE. Not a segment of our life...our LIFE.  And the other two blogs were part of that self-same life...so....I am putting everything together. It is part of my attempt at simplifying my life and also being authentic. But more on that later.....


Still not getting sleep. Actually, I got one night of good sleep and one night of fairly good sleep. And then last night hardly ANY sleep thanks to BOTH littles AND the dog! Everyone is trying to get a piece of the "mom-in-the-middle-of-the-night" action.  So I am still working on that one.

I took a quiz on Facebook the other day that asked if I thought that I think too much. I laughed out loud at that one!! I have been thinking so much lately, I think my brain is either getting worn out or SOO exercised that it is HUGE! HA!

I have LOTS of thoughts that I plan on blogging about. Not so much to share, but to get them all down and maybe make sense of them. It definitely helps me to write things down and read them over again.  a little side funny....You know, sometimes I make a decision about something and then FORGET that I did it and then go through ALL the thinking again until I realize I already decided!! (getting old?? me?? no....)

On the good side, we have been exercising! YES! The Lynn family!! MOVING! WOW! And how did this come to be?  Thanks to my birthday present......the Wii fit!! WOOHOO!! It is the BEST present I can imagine!!!  It is AWESOME! We all love it.  I had no idea a "video game" could make me so sore! I have figured out an entire routine that takes me about 45 minutes a day.  And I have done it for 6 days in a ROW.  That's HUGE for me. :-) Well the REALLY huge thing is that I LOOK FORWARD TO IT!! It is so much fun!!! And I LOVE pushing myself harder. 

A few more notes: Our house in BA still hasn't sold. We have about 6 weeks before we start paying double house payments.  We would appreciate prayers! No change in Michael's work. His 3 months of not looking for a store will be up November 1st as well. We still love our house, love Yukon and love our new church. School is in session and we are trying to work out how to keep everyone occupied. 

Kaedra has a doctor appt with a doctor that does her specialized surgery here in OKC on October 6th. We are very excited about that. Being able to have her surgery here in town would be awesome. We are also going to talk to him about getting her trach hole stitched up as it never healed. Next week on Monday and Tuesday I am attending a seminar at OU about getting Kaedra to eat by mouth. I am so very excited. The lady giving the seminar is one of the top authorities on this kind of thing and I get to glean knowledge from her! Hallelujah!! I can't wait to suck it all up.  (besides the fact that I just LOVE learning...so I am excited about any kind of learning experience, much less one that could so fabulously affect Kaedra's life! AND two sweet, special friends will be there too, so I get to see them!) I am praying I will learn something that will help us!

Well that's all the time I have for now....see ya later alligators!

Where have I been?

I have not been sleeping thanks to my blue-eyed little boy. I don't operate well on 2-3 hours a night. It's just not working. And it has been going on for weeks. Needless to say, I'm a bit befuddled. And frazzled. And flabbergasted (I just threw that one in because it's fun to say)

I'm not in the best mood. I'm using all available brain power to get through school. And life.

And if I can't say anything nice, I try not to say anything at all.

Sent from my iPhone

Bit by Tsetse fly??

As far as I know, I have NOT been bit by the tsetse fly. However, I do have some sort of nonsense going on in my body. I am extremely tired and have slept almost two days away. I have a fairly severe headache on and off. My glands are swollen and my muscles all feel as if I have the flu! My tummy gets upset when I eat, but is very hungry when it's empty. I really have no idea what it is.

But I know what it isn't!!
-fun
-condusive to school planning
-helpful to have with 4 kids!
-an asset in keeping the house clean.

Anyway, that's what is currently up with me. I just feel rotten. Now....off for more sleep.

(written on iPhone)

Hebrews 12:1

Hebrews 12:1
“….Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us….”

Tried a new church today, Lifechurch.tv. We needed a Saturday night church again and there really aren't that many we have found around us. I asked my new Homeschool group and someone suggested Lifechurch. My friend Lisa goes to the one in Tulsa, but I have never really talked to her about it, so I didn't know much about it. I did know the basic premise that you watch a video of the message and I didn't know how well I would like that...

Turns out the whole family loved the church! We will definitely be going back and trying it again.

I think it may be the perfect church for this period in our life. We will see...we still need to learn more about it. I just know there is something we are needing and this church had it today.

Michael had kidney stones yesterday and ended up in the ER. He apparently passed the stone(s) and is feeling much better now! I was going to do school planning, but after waking up at 4am with him in pain and going to the hospital with him, I was plum tuckered out by the time we got home.

Lately the younger two kids have been VERY hard to get to sleep. One night it took us 3 1/2 hours until they were both asleep!!! And that was with Brittany and I each taking one (with occassional breaks from Emily and, eventually, Michael) Last night took hours as well. Not really sure what is going on with that. Or how to fix it.

Today we went on a drive to Mustang to check that out. We had a great time, as we usually do on our excursions! We also took Michael to Lake Overholser and the Route 66 park. It looked so nice and cool and refreshing! Esp for the people on the boats and on Jet skis!!

Tonight I took Kaedra with me to run some errands. We had a great time and she lived the one on one time with Mommy. It was very amusing when she started squeezing all the bra cups at Walmart. Especially when she yelled, "they're squishy like you!" I think we may avoid that aisle next time!

So, on that note, I leave you.

Blessings to you all!!
(from my iPhone)

Favorite Organization Quote

Organization is making your life work for you by bringing the dailiness of life under control through yielding to the Holy Spirit concerning the wise use of your time.

~Marilyn Rockett in Homeschooling at the Speed of Life

Circling the Wagons

It's that time again! Those of you who know me well or have been reading my blog for awhile know that I periodically shut down all outside activities and concentrate only on what God is putting on my heart. I, unfortunately, find myself getting away from the basics and need to spend time putting first things first.

I love my small house but I have found that my children need much more Mom time!! I can't send them upstairs or to a far-away room anymore! We are all right on top of each other here. I have had to deal with more attitude issues and tempers here than I ever had at the old house! It is a good thing since I can now address issues that were obviously underlying! I have found I have some of those issues too!

Since I just moved, I don't really have a lot of outside activities. I did get really excited about something, volunteered to help with it, and had to back out (sorry Kim!) I am also cutting out Twitter and taking a break from Facebook. I'll be back when I have the illusion of control back. ;-)

If I do have down time, I may blog, so you may see some updates here!

Feeling better

Thank you for your prayers!

unknown

I don't know what to do.

I am not happy with our homeschooling life at the moment.

• I am bored with our school (am I allowed to say that?)
• I am not happy with the results.
• I am not interested in starting again.
• I am experiencing burnout and we aren't even doing school right now!

I have been researching different methods of schooling. Nothing is really clicking. I start to think something is, and then it isn't.

I know we are doing geography this year. I know that because I have it scheduled. And I am good with schedules. I just can't figure out the implementation of everything else and what everything else will be.

ugh.

Did I mention I want to start on August 10th?

Battered

Warning: this is sort of a "poor me" post so if you want to keep your (mistaken) view that I am all joy and sunshine, you may not want to read this.

I feel like I am standing in an ocean, up to my waist in the water, being hit by wave after wave of bad news or circumstances. These waves aren't coming from just my life, but my close friends' lives too. There is time between each wave where I start to feel like everything is handle-able and then another wave crashes down. Because I am keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus, up above, I have kept my head out of the water. I am able to breathe. And go on. But I am tired of this constant battering.

I know the Truth. I know the Way. and I see the Light. It just seems a little bleary since I keep having to wipe ocean water out of my eyes.

So I lift my arms once again, praise Him and pray for the tide to go out.

or a surfboard.

I know, I know....

It's been for-ev-er since I blogged. Forgive me? Pretty please? Well, maybe it hasn't been that long, but it's been on my mind a lot which makes it seem even longer!

I have lots of goodies planned to blog about! I do! I do! And I *should* have more time since I have a smaller house and less responsibilities! At least that is the plan...

But, to tide you over in the meantime, because I just KNOW you're wondering, I will give you a taste of what we've been up to.

1. We are officially all moved in! Yeehaw! (I live in OKC, I can say that now)

2. I love our little-loo house (a Kaedy-ism) and love the area we live in. Michael said something today about a 3000 sq ft house he liked and I almost strangled him. But I didn't. He was driving...not a good time for strangling. And then there is the whole marriage covenant and, of course, the legality of the strangling. All around--a bad idea. But, then again, so is a 3000 sq ft house! Did I mention how much I like our LITTLE house??

3. My best friend had the memorial for her daughter, Chloe Elizabeth. I couldn't be there for the memorial or any of what she is going through and it has been hard. It threw me for a bit of a tailspin and I am working out of it day by day. It actually hit my family hard, esp Michael and Brittany and we have shed many tears over Chloe and for the Zandis. (and some for our Jacob as well) The situation has had me conversing with God quite frequently. And relying on Him and trusting Him.

4. School time is approaching and I am revamping everything! Not happy looking back in retrospect with where we are, so we are trying some new stuff. New organizational mode, new philosophy, new goals, etc. I am excited about it all but feeling a little "under the gun" for when I want to start school. (Aug 10) I have a lot of reading I need to do before then.

5. Michael had an interview with Brownsville, TX yesterday. I think we will hear something tomorrow. Like all but one of his interviews, it went great and he had a good feeling coming out of it. He also has a big meeting with the HR lady and the regional supervisor tomorrow. We think this will be a pivotal meeting since 1.they dont know him well and 2. We think they might be the problem between the interview and his consolation calls. We are praying and believing for favor tomorrow and for Michael to have the right words to say. We are expecting good things! Please join us in our prayers.

6. Well I am fading here and ready for sleep which brings me to #6. Kaedra and Ethan haven't been sleeping through the night and they are disrupting everyone! We are working on it. We'll let you know when we figure it all out!! Lol

Goodnight!!

Talk to you again soon!

Lake Heffner

Before and After

I am a huge fan of before and after pics. They motivate me and they also really give me a sense of accomplishment. So, in case you were just REALLY wondering what Brittany and I did today, here it is:


The Before pics:

Garage

One view of dining room/library combo

other view of dining room/library combo

The After photos:
(you might not be able to tell a huge difference, but trust me, WE CAN! :-)

the garage: we kept all the boxes, but broke them down for our next move. the hutch on the left hand side will be in our dining room when it is done.

these are ALL the boxes we have left to unpack. Two. WOOHOO! :-) Then we need to go buy hardware to put our kitchen table up. It was lost in the move.

Our library/computer area. (the laundry room is through the door on the left)

Anyway, I just wanted to gloat for a moment. I still don't have wi-fi up and running and actually our internet connection was down all day today anyway. Hopefully when I am back up and running regularly, I will be able to blog more. I actually have some things I want to say! :-)

More pictures to follow when we are ALL moved in. :-) My goal is by Sunday night.

Chloe Elizabeth Zandi

I would do anything for my best friend, Brandi. We have been best friends for 13 years. But yesterday she joined a "club" that I'm in that I would have happily barred her from for life.

Yesterday, her precious baby, Chloe Elizabeth was born at rest. Please pray for Brandi and her family.

Zandis- I pray that Jesus' peace, that surpasses all understanding will envelope you and carry you through this time and the months to come. I pray that you feel His presence constantly and that you are comforted by it.

We are here if we can do anything. We love you guys so much. Everyone but Ethan shed tears for your precious blessing and we all can't wait to meet her as well as Zoe, Rain and Jacob.

Free table

I have a 4-6 seater table, butcher block top, painted green legs that
I would like to give away! It is a little wonky and needs tightening,
it has a removable leaf. If you would lke it please let me know today!
It needs to be picked up today or tomorrow before 2ish. It has been
used as a craft table so it has a few marker and painted areas. Would
make another great art table or would be awesome if you refinished it!

Blessings and joy,
Kahri

New home in Yukon

Michael found us a new house in Yukon, Ok. We will be renting there until he finds his own store. We are very excited!It is much smaller than our present house, but we are looking forward to less cleaning and some decluttering! The kids and I went to see the new house on Friday and decided where we would put our things and just had a great time checking out the new place! We can't wait to move in at the end of this week!

We have a meeting with our realtor today to hear about an offer we got on the house. The house isn't even up for sale yet, so it would be such a blessing if we were able to sell it before our list day!

The laundry room, it is probably twice the size of our laundry room here, so it will be great for storage.

Dining room area with side room off or it. We will be using it for our school stuff.

Brittany standing in the school area.

Emily walking into living room area.

One view of the kitchen

Opposite view of the kitchen.

Great Closet at the end of the hallway.


Although we love the house and the Yukon area, we are really hoping to not live in this house very long. As soon as Michael finds a store for him to manage, we will be relocating again. Having this smaller house means that we will not have to unpack a lot and repack. We will just be leaving a lot in boxes and leaving it in the garage. He has applications out in San Antonio, TX; Wichita Falls, TX; Provo, Utah; and Aurora, Colorado right now. We are also awaiting the positions in NC to open up. Sooooooo, we will see!

A whole lot of our move going on

I try to stick with old adage "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So.....I haven't been writing lately. Not that I can't say anything nice, there is ALWAYS something nice to say! But I have had a few bad days and trying to focus on the positive. Decided to wait for a positive day before posting a new blog!

But, it has been a very busy bit of time. Here is a summary:
1. Michael is now in Edmond.
2. He has had two interviews with North Carolina, he also heard that there are going to be two other openings in NC and if he doesn't get this one, he may get one of the others.
3. He has an interview with Dallas, TX on Thursday.
4. We have a realtor...a lovely lady Angela from Chinowth and Cohen. Our house will be listed no later than July 11th.
5. We have been working on the house to get it ready to sell.....boxing, fixing, painting, etc
6. I fell off a ladder on Saturday. Fell about 5-6 feet onto my upper back/neck/head area. Ended up in an ambulance then the ER for most of Saturday. Nothing is broken (except some ribs may be cracked) and I am getting better everyday, Hallelujah! I had to postpone our move for a week (I was targeting moving my July 1st, house on market by July 4th) while I recover and Michael had to delay going to Edmond for a day, but, other than that, it hasn't been a big problem in our plans. Obviously I am not going to finish painting the exterior of the house myself (I don't even want to SEE a ladder) so I will be hiring that out now.

So moving seems to be our big news. Not much else on our minds these days. We are still praying that we only have to move once. It would be such a blessing if Michael got promoted before we move to Edmond! We are also praying that our house will sell quickly and easily!

I have friends coming to help me pack Thursday morning and offers from lots of other friends. I plan on taking them all up! I do need boxes if anyone has access to any! I am unable to drive for a few more days so I can't go round any up at this time.

I am so thankful my hubby has a good job, thankful that I have my wonderful kids, thankful that we have a good Realtor, thankful that we have great guys fixing our house up for us, thankful for food on the table, thankful for no broken bones...just thankful. And I will concentrate on that.

Trip to the Moon

Last year, Kaedra wanted to go to the moon. Now, every morning she asks "What we doing today?" Last week I was trying to be funny and said, "going to the moon!" Well......don't tell a four year old that you are going to the moon unless you can deliver!!

And so, we had a makeshift trip to the moon that day....I documented it for posterity. (and, of course, to share it with you)

Preparation: Helmet check, passports ready and practicing moon walk in an indoor moon simulation room. (aka kitchen)

The view from the spaceship of the moon at a distance. One of our astronauts was taking a space walk.

The view of the earth from space.

We went a little off course to see our galaxy from a distance.

Came closer to check out the milky way

Now on the moon, we were searching for other life. We discovered quite a few aliens!

This one was very cute and cuddly. And apparently, Guardian is the security sytem of choice for moon-folks.

Kaedra found another alien.

This astronaut was trying the moon atmosphere out without his helmet. He did suprisingly well.

Aliens even come in orange!

Although we found that the moon isn't made of cheese, you can FIND cheese on the moon!!

Another alien...and you can see the supplies I carried along...a water bottle, Kaedra's food in my pocket.

Coming back to the earth, after our moon trip.