I'm on the upswing. Why? I don't know. Perhaps the medicine from the ER visit, perhaps from the Sulfurzyme and Ningxia Red I am taking regularly. Perhaps just time to start feeling better?? But I believe it is prayer. Thank God for prayer. Literally. Thank Him. Right now.

This is what I'm working on.  It is a Zentangle in honor of March and also Easter. Still in progress, obviously.

long time no see

It's been a long time. A long, long time. Time enough to wonder if  I should come back to this blog or just start another. Or even continue with the other one I already started.  God said begin here. I'm here.



this is me right now. Hopefully I'll be writing more and you can see my journey from falling apart to fully living in God's abundant life. (John 10:10)

I know I'm not the only Christian going through depression and physical problems.  I have a good friend right with here with me. I know that I need to take baby steps. I can't figure out what the steps are. One day I am convinced if I just take a shower every day, things will get better. As I bet you can guess, it doesn't work. So, of course, out go the daily showers. (I don't think I stink, at least no one has mentioned it)

I'm pretty darn sure sitting here and crying all day/night isn't helping either.  I'm trying to praise Him in the rain but sometimes I lose my grip on His hand as I fall into the valley.  This is one of the biggest valleys I've come across.



I appreciate you listening. Sometimes it's hard to put these things out there. But I think this may be part of my healing.

Week 4 of school

Ethan is loving Kindergarten! We are doing the same Kindergarten book with him that I did with Brittany. It is a bittersweet feeling knowing he is the last in line to do this curriculum.

We had to take some pictures of him for an "All About Me" book

here he is with his favorite toy

Here he is with Mommy!

Kaedra working on some math

Brainy blocks. The kids love these!

Another favorite toy!

Teaching Emily how to play chess

with the rain we had, we found a big frog

Ethan holding the froggie

Our church had a big baptism bash called Lifestock.  They had blow up games and music and lots of baptisms! Ethan wanted to do the rock wall. He has never been up one....

He took a running start

He gets a little confused about the rocks...

He doesn't realize they are the part he is supposed to climb...

so he just uses the rope

but he gets all the way to the top! I was so proud of him... he actually got into the white part. 

we put all of our timeline figures on our timeline.

Another fun week of school! 

Kaedra wants me to end this blog post with 

"The End"

Great week of school

I want to post some pictures and tell about a great week of school. No, it wasn't this week, not last week, and not even the week before. I know, I'm late in posting this. but it has been on my to-do list!

This year we have changed some things up.  The biggest and most dramatic change is that we brought Brittany back into the house. Although she was still homeschooling, she was doing it with a co-op and most of her school stemmed from them.  Although it was a great co-op with great people, she really wanted to do things with the family again and we definitely wanted her home with us!

We are doing The Mystery of History Volume 2 (Middle Ages) as a whole family.  We are loving doing it together. Brittany, obviously, does it at a higher level than the rest of the kids. One of the things I like most is the ability to do it at all different levels.  While Brittany is writing essays, the kids are making cardboard lyres.

We are meeting every Friday with a friend and doing some of the bigger projects with him as well as the map work, games, and tests.  They will also be doing some oral presentations to give them practice with that.  We are doing literature together as well.  April is helping Brittany with Grammar and I am helping Edge with his writing.

I've been taking pictures so I would remember the great times we are having.  It will be great to look back on the pictures and remember the year!

Brittany doing algebra with help from Arwen

Kids cutting up newspaper for paper mache

working on timeline

Brittany learning about world views 

copywork

Em and Ethan doing copywork

drying out our "Dead Sea Scrolls"

starting the paper mache volcano

paper mache volcano fun

goofy Ethan with paper mache volcano

after 1st coat of paper

using clay to make village of Pompeii

walls of Pompeii

coliseum of Pompeii

marketplace of Pompeii

Rise Up

I always get words from God at the beginning of the year.  Last year was Refresh.  This year I have been struggling with getting the word.  I have had a working motto of "Intentional".  It hasn't been quite right and I've been working too hard on trying to get it to fit.  It just wasn't quite *it*.

The other morning, I woke up after singing a song all night long throughout my dreams.  I knew the words but thought the title was "Rise Up." Went online and searched for "Rise Up," found out it was by Chris Tomlin, realized I owned the song myself and went to listen.  Well, it was "Rise Up" but not the CORRECT "Rise Up." Back to google, added a few more words I remembered, and came up with the right song: "Rise" by Shawn McDonald.




That led me to one of my other favorite songs  "Rise Up" by The David Crowder Band



I wasn't even looking for a word anymore. I thought Intentional was the one that I was going to just make stick.  Like I said, it wasn't perfect, but I thought it fit.  However, it was ALL me.  Me trying to get the word to work.

Pretty soon, God was whispering in my ear... "pay attention, my child. Pay attention to this song. Pay attention to the words. Pay attention to what I am telling you."  I did a cursory search on my iphone to see how many songs I had with the title of "Rise" in it.... 37 titles.  THIRTY SEVEN. I think He is talking to me.

So, next step, I went to the Bible... found many verses, but this one is my favorite:

Micah 7:8

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! 

   Though I have fallen, I will rise. 

Though I sit in darkness, 

   the LORD will be my light. 

I'm not yet ready to share all the things that Rise Up mean to me.  So very many.  I will be posting them as the year goes.

Most of my family is sick...

Because of that, at least in part, I have become obsessed with spring cleaning. I haven't done spring cleaning in years! I used to do it every year, but made a cleaning schedule to keep me going through the year and discarded the spring cleaning idea. Now that I haven't been keeping up with the schedule, we've all been sick, the house is somewhat trashed and we haven't even 100% moved in yet, I really want to do it. Oh, and did I mention my parents want to come sometime? That really isn't the driving issue, but it sure does give me extra incentive.

Although I want to do lots of actual cleaning, I also have some other things I want to do

• hang up pictures
• empty boxes
• organize attic
• add flooring to attic
• organize garage
• redo my pantry/laundry room including adding shelves
• do a oamc session
• add a plug to downstairs bathroom
• hide cords in living room
• paint the front door 
• install a peep hole in the front door
• organize junk drawers (make ONE junk drawer)
• plant flowers
• get more lighting for school room 
• purchase bookcases for FAITH library and catalog library
• put screens up for non-screened windows
• put window coverings up for all windows

I'm sure I'll be adding more the list. I know I am forgetting things here but I wanted to get them down while I am thinking of them.  I am planning on spring cleaning taking the whole month of March. Just hoping I can get it done in one month.  

I know, I know... boring post. It's mostly for me anyway. :-P

Psalm 6

Psalm 6:1-10 NASB

"O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your wrath. Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am pining away; Heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed. And my soul is greatly dismayed; But You, O LORD-how long? Return, O LORD, rescue my soul; Save me because of Your lovingkindness. For there is no mention of You in death; In Sheol who will give You thanks? I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief; It has become old because of all my adversaries. Depart from me, all you who do iniquity, For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD has heard my supplication, The LORD receives my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed; They shall turn back, they will suddenly be ashamed."

See it at YouVersion.com:

http://bible.us/Ps6.1.NASB

Blessings and Joy,

            -:¦:-   ¸.·´¨¨))

                .·´   -:¦:-Kahri ★

        ((¸¸.·´

http://kahri.blogspot.com

Good night?

I reckon it's time for me to go to bed... It's after 3 in the morning.

I don't want to go to bed. It's an admission of defeat:

"Okay, this day got the best of me. I give."

And I don't want to give.

But tomorrow (aka in a few hours) is a new day. And joy comes in the morning.

Let's see.

Unplugged?

I had a blog for many years called: Our Peculiar Life.  It was started to document Kaedra's miraculous life and keep people informed about what was going on with her. After she stabilized and our life became more "normal" the blog morphed into just some this and that about our family. Most of the posts were still put through the filter of who I knew was reading them.  I frequently deleted or never wrote things that I really wanted to because of my audience. They were expecting something out of me, and I didn't always have that something.  Eventually, I gave up on the blog and the pretense that was going on while I was writing it.  It was literally too much work to keep up with keeping the readers happy.

This blog isn't about that.  This is all me.  I'm still peculiar (1 Peter 2:9).  My life is a giant adventure.  I am sitting next to Jesus on a honkingly huge roller coaster and switching between holding on to Him for dear life and raising my hands in the air and whooping with Him.

But this is me unplugged.

un·plug   [uhn-pluhg] Show IPA verb, -plugged, -plug·ging.
verb (used with object) 
1. to remove a plug or stopper from.
2. to free of an obstruction; unclog. 
3. to disconnect (an appliance, a telephone, etc.) by removing a plug: to unplug a toaster. 4. to remove (an electric plug) from an outlet. 


I am removing my stoppers and freeing myself of obstructions. I am no longer clogged by trying to make others happy.  This is me.  

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

He is Risen

I wrote this for some friends a few months ago. Found it again today and thought I'd post it here to remind MYSELF.

We've all been going through some rough times right now. Sometimes it even seems impossible that things will get better and it is easy to despair!

Just like the disciples did on Good Friday...... they were giving up...all was lost. They were distraught. They had no idea that people would someday refer to that day as "Good" Friday. To them, there was nothing good about it. Sounds like where we are.... there is nothing good about anything we all are going through. Jesus had said "It is finished." They believed it... all was finished. To them, they had lost the most precious and sacred person they had ever known. The amount of hurt and pain and betrayal was so much more than anything we all are going through....even though we are going through a lot.

Saturday had to be horrible. Looking back from this side, we know that all is not lost. We know that there was hope to be held on to. But imagine being there... your friend, your savior was just crucified on a cross in the most undignified and horrible of fashions. All that you have been living for is gone. All that you believed must be wrong. There is nothing left. Don't we feel like that? With financial worries, worries about our children, worries about jobs...doesn't it seem like there is nothing left? that what we believed must be wrong?

Imagine now, if you can, in the middle of this darkness and utter despair, you hear a voice saying, "He is risen." He. Is. Risen. Hope. Joy. Relief. He is risen. All of a sudden, in those three words, everything that happened the past three days is erased. Joy came that morning. Abundant, overwhelming joy encompassing all the pain and sorrow. There was hope. All was well.

We are almost there, guys. We may be in the midst of Good Friday or Holy Saturday... we may be believing all is finished or everything we believed must be wrong. But joy is coming. Hope is coming. Relief is coming. Don't give up and don't forget that He is Risen! Even in the midst of all that we are going through, those three words should give us joy.... it means that there is something else coming. Everything looks dark and bleak, just like it did on Good Friday. But when Jesus said, "It is finished" he meant that the prophecies had been fulfilled, our sins had been taken away, Jesus had paid our price, Jesus had done ALL. What might have sounded to some like it was the end, Jesus meant as the beginning.

And what might seem to be the end to us, Jesus is going to use as a beginning. We are on the crux of our breakthrough. We are awaiting the Good News... the News that He is Risen but remember, we have the blessing of hindsight! We KNOW that he is risen and we need to keep proclaiming it! Proclaim it and praise God for our savior! Our Savior... He has SAVED us!! Hallelujah and Amen!! I know that we are right on the brink of Easter morning. We will all be able to see the stone rolled away and the hope that came in the empty tomb. We will get the breakthroughs that we all need and we will all be able to run back to our friends and say, "He is risen" and hear each other say "He is risen indeed!"

Just a thought

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

Jacob's Birthday

Yesterday was Jacob's birthday. We made our annual trip to his gravesite and sang him "Happy Birthday" just as we always do. This year was very cute because Ethan did a dance for Jacob, as he was singing. Ethan and Kaedra are asking a lot more questions about Jacob: where he is, why he is there, when they will get to see him, etc.

Here is a picture of the kids....  while you might think it's a little odd to see their big smiles at their brother's grave - remember that they all know that he is in a much better place and that they will get to see him again!

photo.JPG, a photo by Kedlynn on Flickr.

Busy Week

Well I haven't had a lot of time to work on house projects this week! It's been a busy busy week! Tuesday we had a doctor's appointment (Emily got her cast off!), we got pictures taken downtown and Michael and I went on a date. It was a wonderful date.....maybe my favorite ever. Since it was such a beautiful day, we started off by going for a drive. We had a wonderful time driving through Catoosa and seeing an area Michael had never seen (but I had discovered recently).  After we were done, we were driving by the Hard Rock Casino and saw that there was a Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill Restaurant. Having been there in OKC, we knew we liked it so we decided to go there.  We finally found some parking in the crazy casino parking lot and we got inside. It was really cool! Since it is a Hard Rock establishment, there is a lot of rock history in there.  I loved this wall full of quotes from rock songs

There were columns in the middle of the slot machines that had outfits, guitars, pictures, and other memorabilia from musicians and bands. Here are some of my favorites:

 This is Prince's guitar. Not that I am a huge Prince fan, but I love his guitar. Reminds me of something Dr. Seuss.

 The Eagles Guitar from Hotel California. Also some music and the album cover.

 Billy  Gibbons, ZZ Top. 

 Metallica

 Stevie Ray Vaughn

Eric Clapton

The colors in the casino were gorgeous. They had lots of beautiful creations hanging from the ceiling that made the place very pretty.

They also had HUGE posters of different rock legends.

Well  I have to get off of here and get ready for co-op.  I will finish up later!

projects

An Edelweiss

Admittedly, this is an odd looking flower, but I just love them.  

I love the song from The Sound of Music, too. I sing it to my children almost nightly.

So I am feeling better.  I had a really bad month or so. We were going to change my fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue meds over to another med.  I weaned off the one medicine only to find out that I couldn't afford the other medication.  I had to wean back on the first medicine and the whole thing took about a month for me to finally feel good again.  I did learn something important.....  I was thinking the medicine wasn't helping very much. After weaning off of it, I realized how much it really is helping me.  Apparently my FM/CFS has gotten worse over the last year and I really do the medicine to function at this time.  With the medicine, I feel a little better than I was, with occasional flare ups. Without the medicine, I feel like I'm in one big flare up all the time. 

Not only did I have that going on, I also got sick.  AND the kids weren't sleeping hardly at all.  At least I got everything done and over with at once.  Although I wish they didn't have to deal with it, it IS nice to have friends who have similar problems and really understand what I am going through. I read a lot about people who do not have a good support system.  My friends at least understand me and sympathize.  

Now that I am feeling better, I am "waking up" to realize everything is falling apart! Brittany has done a GREAT JOB at keeping things rolling as far as laundry and picking up. Michael has helped out a lot with meals. However, some of the littler stuff (cleaning out the frig, messy cabinets, piles of papers, etc) needs to be done.  

Not only that, but I am waking up to some truths as well.  After talking to my friend April on  Friday, I realized that I really need to move in to my house.  Yes, we are moved in enough to reside here....  but I haven't made it a home yet.  We still have sheets up in the windows, boxes in our rooms, boxes in the garage, and from the outside you probably can't tell if we live here or not.  The reasons are numerous but the crux is, I needed to change my ways.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling good and with a mission.  I went straight to the garage (where we recently had our hot water heater flood) and started going through boxes. I opened and went through every box that was in there. I had to throw quite a bit away because of the flood... the rest I put in piles of whether to take inside, put in the attic or put away in the garage.  By the end of Saturday, I had worked 5 hours in the garage and finished one side of it.  Sunday morning I went back out and worked on the opposite side. I finished up the boxes and organized the workbench. I am not done yet, but mostly it is just bringing stuff inside and taking things to the attic.  Once I am done with that, the garage will be nearly empty and I will be able to park inside again! :-)  Not only that, but, if we had another flood, nothing would get ruined.  

One of the benefits of going through all the boxes was finding "lost" treasures! I found all my fishing stuff and had such fun looking through it all.  I also found many decorations. Now I am looking forward to getting things put up and put away and having our house really be homey again. 

Today I realized that the inside was getting very messy while I was working on the outside. Since Michael and Brittany were both gone, I thought I would surprise them and clean the kitchen and my bedroom.  Unfortunately the kitchen is taking a little more time than I thought. I got about half of it done and it's going to take another day.  It is feeling great to get it done, though.

Now I am feeling a little worn out. I am hoping I just need a nap to get renewed and that I haven't overdone it.  It is so hard not to try to get EVERYTHING done when I am feeling up to working.  I KNOW I should take it easy...but it's hard to do.  

Well that's what's going on here.... 

Robbie Seay Beautiful, Scandalous Night

Paying the Ultimate Price

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to spe...ak....



"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright.



I stopped the lad and asked, "What do you have there, son?"



"Just some old birds," came the reply.

"What are you going to do with them?" I asked.



"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their

feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."



"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do then?"



"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."



The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"



"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister.



They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"



"How much?" the pastor asked again.



The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"



The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand.

In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of

the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story:



One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught a world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"



"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.



Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other.. I'm really gonna have fun!"



"And what will you do when you are done with them?"



Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.



"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.



"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"



"How much? He asked again.



Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."



Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

anyone lived in a pretty how town

used to have this poem memorized...one of my favorites.



anyone lived in a pretty how town by E. E. Cummings


anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

Wrote this poem when I was in high school...
thought of it last night when talking to Brittany

No, she said, and then he was sad
No, once again, and then he was mad
Maybe, she whispered, afraid she would lose him
Please, he begged, not thinking of her
Yes, she said, crying, thinking only of him.

Underbelly

it's the showing of my underbelly
that scares me
I like to keep it hidden
as it should be
away from light and eyes and probing

it's the under
belly
the soft place where all my faults
and all my vulnerabilities
are stitched together
crookedly, jaggedly
with no finesse
and unmatched thread

It's private
alone
and lonely
it has a mind of it's own
a terrible energy
that consumes when it is revealed
pulling all my thoughts
actions, emotions
into the awful vortex
spitting them out
mangled and torn
raw, open and weeping blood

you may think I hide this place from Jesus
protecting my underbelly from Him
or Him from my underbelly
but I don't
when it is unearthed
I hold on to Him
with frantic hands
silently screaming His name
a life grip on His robe
"If I just touch His clothes
I will be healed"
whole

and instead of giving up
letting the monster win
opening up the stitches
with a dull knife
pulling each one
until the skin pops
letting everything fall out
and heading into blessed oblivion

instead of that
I hang on
and ride out the storm
whipped around,
out of control
heading into ever darker places
but anchored to Jesus
holding His robe
knowing I WILL be healed
I WILL be whole

When God is for me,
even my Self
cannot stand a chance against me