Underbelly

it's the showing of my underbelly
that scares me
I like to keep it hidden
as it should be
away from light and eyes and probing

it's the under
belly
the soft place where all my faults
and all my vulnerabilities
are stitched together
crookedly, jaggedly
with no finesse
and unmatched thread

It's private
alone
and lonely
it has a mind of it's own
a terrible energy
that consumes when it is revealed
pulling all my thoughts
actions, emotions
into the awful vortex
spitting them out
mangled and torn
raw, open and weeping blood

you may think I hide this place from Jesus
protecting my underbelly from Him
or Him from my underbelly
but I don't
when it is unearthed
I hold on to Him
with frantic hands
silently screaming His name
a life grip on His robe
"If I just touch His clothes
I will be healed"
whole

and instead of giving up
letting the monster win
opening up the stitches
with a dull knife
pulling each one
until the skin pops
letting everything fall out
and heading into blessed oblivion

instead of that
I hang on
and ride out the storm
whipped around,
out of control
heading into ever darker places
but anchored to Jesus
holding His robe
knowing I WILL be healed
I WILL be whole

When God is for me,
even my Self
cannot stand a chance against me